I called my first boss Cruella. I think it was well deserved, even though she didn’t look one bit like her. She was – and still is, I believe – a fat red-head. Yes, “fat” is a strong word, and yes, for those who know me for real, I know I’m not a size 0 and never will be. But I am all against politically correct vocabulary. She’s fat and ugly. Now, maybe ugly isn’t nice, but fat is neither nice nor mean. Anyway, Cruella liked me instantly. She even had a nickname and I still shudder when I hear it. No one is allowed to call me that anymore, it’s almost like saying Voldemort out loud : you can be in real trouble. Anyway, she started hating me a couple of months after my arrival. She liked me because I did all she asked, and did it pretty well, and pretty fast. She hated me for the same reasons. When she realized I was basically doing her job and she was getting tired of people calling me instead of her, she started the War. Yes, capital “W”. Slowly, but surely, she told stories about me, then she wouldn’t answer when I spoke, and in the end, I wasn’t allowed to go inside her office. I think she basically wanted me dead when I got pregnant with my son while she’d been trying for two years. I left for maternity leave and she called me, a lot, until the day when I yelled at her on the phone. You see, I’m a pretty easy-going person. But I hate hierarchy. I just hate it. I don’t like being told what to do, I like making decisions, moving fast, and working a lot. Only once in my life have I had a proper “boss”, one I valued and respected, and I’m sure he’ll know it’s him if he reads this. So I made a lot of efforts but in the end, I yelled. I told her all the things I’d wanted to say since I’d started working with her. It wasn’t pretty. She stopped calling and when I got back, there was a “teacher’s room” sign on my office door and my stuff were in a garbage bag. I swear it’s true. I still hate hierarchy now, but I’m older and wiser, I don’t yell anymore. I even manage not to tell the truth and lately, I even had a proper behaviour : I let someone yell at me, smiled, and then elaborated an evil plan to get out of there and screw them. It worked like a miracle, but I fear I might turn into some kind of Cruella if I keep on doing this. I think I like myself better when I’m big mouthed and spontaneous. I’m currently negotiating a position in a company and told them right away what kind of person I was, presenting it as a take it or leave it situation. Ballsy, but it might work. If it doesn’t, I guess I’ll have to create my own company and try not become someone’s Cruella. I’ll keep you posted.

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