I think sports hate me

I started playing tennis when I was 4 years old and my mother finally agreed to let me stop when I turned 14. I can hear you thinking, "my, she must be pretty good ". Er, no. Not really. I think I disliked it instantly. Not tennis per se, but the whole running everywhere after a ball, going there every Wednesday when I could have been at home playing or annoying my sisters, you know, kids stuff. But she insisted, just like she didn't allow me to quit playing the piano, which I studied for 10 years, also. And , er, no I can't play the piano, by the way. I'd really like to learn again now, doing what I want and not just classical pieces. I'd learn jazz and I'd be able to play by ear -something which I was able to do really early on, but was never allowed to pursue because of 'discipline'.

Anyway, back to tennis. I was deeply in love with my tennis teacher. I mean, he was clearly the love of my life and I was heartbroken and devastated when he said he really liked me but wouldn't marry me. Age difference, he said, was an issue. What a jerk. How can you break a 4 year-old heart like that? I was OK, I guess, never was able to serve well and they called me 'the dancer'.

Yeah, cause I was dancing, too. Classical, again. wearing tutus, looking absolutely ridiculous, go on, you can laugh. I think I still have a picture, I'll scan it and show it to you, I swear, but only when I know how to plug my scanner on the computer, so you might have to wait for a few decades.

I started dancing at 4 years old -I was busy at that age, now that I think about it, and I liked it. Sort of. I didn't like being yelled at by our tyrannical teacher, I positively hated that I was supposed to listen and do what I was told, and it turns out I still have trouble with that, today. But I liked the music, the shows. I'm a showgirl. I took theatre lessons, I sing, I was part of a theatre company doing shows for kids, well, it's my thing.

I stopped taking dancing lessons when I was 10ish. Our evil teacher kept telling me that my boobs were starting to show and that it wasn't good, I think my parents freaked out a little. Yes, they started showing at that age, and although I love them dearly now (yes, I do, I love my breasts, I've hated them for so long that I owe them that, at the very least) I was mortified.
They didn't help me with tennis, either, or any kind of sports. Even now, I still can't bring myself to start running because I know for a fact that they won't behave. Also, those sports bra are ugly and I don't trust them enough :my breasts have a strong personality.

I basically stopped everything that was related to exercise early on. All those tennis years made my knees crappy and I just don't like it. I like running when I'm in a hurry, or sometimes when I'm really mad, I'll just go outside, walk and then start to run and I'll feel good. I paid a lot of money to go to a gym's club, went once and never went back. It's just not me.

Last year, I bought the Wiifit, decided that it would be good, that my boobs could act freely, that I didn't care if I looked fat because no one else was there. I did it twice a week for two months and I felt good. My body looked a little better, I was repeating to myself 'look at you, you're healthy now, this is good' but I couldn't bring myself to go on.

I'd like to start swimming, after all, I do live about 50 meters away from the swimming pool, but I'm not going, ever, except with my kids because a) I think I look horrible in a bathing suit and b) I only like pools when they're perfectly clean, preferably on hotel rooftops.

So, take me to a hotel, say, the Meridien Picadilly in London (they have a great pool, it's not on the rooftop but I like that hotel a lot) and I'll go swimming. Oh, while you're at it, will you order champagne? That's more like it. That's more like me. I will never be that healthy girl with a poney tail (what is it with girls who exercise ALWAYS putting their hair like that, seriously?) and wearing sports outfit or, God forbid, running shoes.

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1 comment:

JulieB said...

This really made me laugh - I can relate to it all. I don't think there is a single sport I haven't tried but failed miserably at (tennis, squash, football, hockey, modern dance, ballet, skiing, running...). I was always the kid that got picked last for any team games at school. I have now come to terms with the inevitability that sports and I do not mix. However, my husband is determined to find me something that we can do together. His latest great idea? Golf. Hilarious.

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