So here's 10 things I'd like to say to strangers who share unsolicited advice about my parenting skills (some of which I've actually said).
1- Thank you so much. Now please get out of my way before I ask my devilish child to bite you.
2- Wow. You seem to know a lot about parenting. You must be so proud. You're very ugly, though, can't be easy.
3- Interesting. Let me think about it and I'll get back to you. Not.
4- Yes, please DO call the police. My kids love uniforms, it might calm them down.
5- Yes, I would very much like them to stop, too. Now if there's nothing smart you can say, please move over. At least you can walk away. I sort of have to stay with them.
6- Do you have children? No? You have no right to give your opinion, then.
7- I'm sorry, I can't hear you, my son is screaming too loud.
8- Even though I appreciate your comment, I am against violence towards children. However, I'm more than open to it towards adults. Wanna check?
9- Yeah, you're right, they're horrible. Maybe I should just return them to the store. Oh no, wait, can't do that, they're CHILDREN.
10- What? Who? I'm sorry, they're not mine. I just borrowed them for the day and trust me, I am taking them back to their parents right now.
Just remember it's ALWAYS easier when the kids are not yours. And if you're not a parent yourself or have grown-up children, you are not allowed to give your opinion. There.
Oh, one last thing. If you liked this post, would you mind terribly clicking on the RSS feed, here, or the Google connect buttons (top left), or by email at the bottom of this page? And if you didn't like it, you might still want to look around. There's three of us, you know, so you're (almost) bound to find something you like. And then, if you've still got time, you could share this post or stumble it, or both and get in touch with your local tv station to sing our praises. We'll love you forever.