Friend or Foe?

For this week's Writer's Workshop at Mama Kat's, I chose prompt #1 "Have you ever had a fight with a long time girlfriend and never made up?". Of course I did. We girls have lots of friendships and they can be very exclusive during teenage years.

I met Sarah (not her real name, of course) when I was in High School. We didn't hang out together much, I was pretty popular and she wasn't: I was one of the cool kids, dating the pretty guy and always surrounded by friends. It was a relief after the disaster that middle school was. Anyway, we met again at University, where we both studied English, and became friends.

Friends, as in, I tell you everything, we're twins, we're always together. Cute. Except that we were 18 years old, not 14. Makes it less cute.

Even less cute when you know that she suffered from bulimia, that she tried to make me break up with my then soon-to-be husband (and now soon-to-be-ex-husband).

Not so cute when you know that she started to say nasty things about me to all my friends, with whom she had made friends with because she had none of her own.

Not cute at all and even scary when the long haired brunette she was turned up at my door one day with short blond hair, I swear, my exact shade.

Just creepy, in fact, when you know that she went to my hairdresser to make sure she got the exact same look.

I told her to go see someone, to get help. I called her mother, telling her that she needed to take care of her, that she was in bad shape, that I just couldn't do it any more. When my friend found out I had done this, we had this huge fight. She yelled and screamed and I kicked her out, telling her I didn't want to see her anymore unless she started seeing a shrink or something. My other friends kept seeing her for a while, and some even had me pegged as the "evil girl who won't help her friend." But they soon let her go when they realised she was repeating the same pattern with them.

I think of her, from time to time. I wonder how she's doing. I wonder if I was a bad friend. I wonder what else I could have done. And then I shrug and I go back to my life, thankful that I don't have to deal with Single White Female anymore.

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@jencull (jen) said...

Oh dear, I had a strikingly similar experience and to this day I can't speak with her. She just put me through too much and in the end I had to put myself first or go down with her.

You did the right thing, she genuinely couldn't help the way she was acting as she was very sick by the sounds of it. Jen

Jean said...

Oh cripes. That sounds seriously scary. Of course there was nothing you could have done for her....in fact your continued friendship would have cemented her behaviour.
U'know, I don't think I ever had a screaming row with a girlfriend. There's lots I've lost touch with, but no major fall-outs. But no-one ever tried to copy my haircut either.

paulakiger said...

I chose this same prompt! I feel for your friend, from the standpoint that it sounds like she had some serious stability issues.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us!

Dominique said...

That was a real toxic relationship you were in. Glad that you are out of it now. Sometimes even though we try our best to help others they still do not appreciate our kind efforts. Well at least you did try and that matters.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that's a story. Sadly, one without an end. I wonder what did happen? She probably grew up, and is now well-adjusted and happy. Finger's crossed.


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