In my experience, there are not many ways to involve men in cooking. That is, except if you married Mr. Perfect who’ll cook for you way after the honeymoon period is over– the honeymoon period being the first three years in a couple’s life. If you did marry Mr. Perfect, then go away. I mean it. Now.*
I love lists, so I figured I’d make one for you ladies, a very important one, drum roll:10 ways to involve men in cooking. Ha, I knew you’d be interested.
1- Tell him that you went shopping and that you’re about to make dinner. If your man is normal enough, he’ll just grunt to that. Now, tell him that you found this awesome recipe with steamed fish and spinach but that you feel a little tired. Chances are he’ll jump out of the couch/computer chair/hamac and make dinner
2- Order food. Not take-out, because that means one of you has to go out and this is tricky : if it’s you, then you might as well make dinner, and if it’s him, chances are he’ll go to the pub/café or get lost, or come back with someone else’s order. Just like you vowed never to leave him alone in a grocery store again, don’t do this either.
3- Talk about your day at work (if you don’t work, use one of you friends’ husband, but he has to be hot). Then make your voice a little huskier, pinch your cheeks to make them rosy (or think about some hottie, say, for exemple, Alexander Skarsgard). Tell him how that guy cooked his wife/girlfriend dinner and that you found that very manly/sexy.
4- Tell him if he cooks for you, he gets you for dessert.
5- Start the recipe and say ‘oh, I don’t understand a thing in that recipe. It looks just like an Ikea notice’.
6- Pretend you can’t open the tin/bottle/can. As soon as he takes it from you, run, fast, and thank him for cooking dinner.
7- Offer to play a game : whoever gets the higher score wins. You each get 10 points for every chore you did in the past week. That should be easy enough. If you married a guy who does his share without complaining, go with the girl who married the one who cooks. Well, you heard me, go now!
8- Tell him that you read an article on the New York Times/Le Monde, anything serious, NOT Glamour, that said how 78% of women think it’s very sexy to watch a man cook. Add something that sounds like it’s true, with words like hormonal, for example. If he answers he hopes you’re part of the 22% who don’t think it’s hot, you have my blessing to throw ham at him. Yes, ham.
9- Get dressed, put make up on, even if you have children. When asked where you’re going, tell him he’s either cooking or you’re going out for dinner. With Alex Skarsgard.
10- Put nice underwear on, high heels, an apron, and tell him that if he cooks, you’ll be free for another activity. I know. But it works.
*What are you still doing here?? GO AWAY. We do not like you.