Friends will be friends

Right. Friends will be friends. Freddie was right, once again. It's just that he could have added : "but make sure they're your friends, before you sing the song". I don't think I'm very good at that, recognizing a true friend. I befriend people easily. I mean, I don't have 300 friends on Facebook, but I do have quite a few girlfriends, male friends (as in, real friends with whom I do not want to sleep), and I love them dearly. They're very important in my life, they fulfill me.

My first heartbreak was because of a friend. We were eleven years old, she started hating me for some reason (I think another girl told her mean things about me, she believed her) and we started fighting. As in, really fighting, with fists, tricks, trying to destruct each other. I even threw sand in her mailbox. Man, I was angry.

I'm 33 years old, now, and I'm as mad as I was then. A friend betrayed me, today. I told her some of my most inner thoughts and she thought it was just being honest to share them with others. Right. Sure. Honest. Honest my fucking arse. You don't tell other people's secrets. I know, I should be more careful, I shouln't trust people that easily, but hey, it's also what makes me special. I've learnt not to share too much with co-workers but I've been deceived quite a lot by so-called friends. And yet, I seem to make the same mistake again and again.

One thing I finally understood, tonight, is that I should go on like this. Because what I share with my friends is rare, precious, unique. What I should trust more, on the other hand, is my instincts. I tend to push them away too often, to tell myself "nah, you're just being over-cautious, of course he/she can be trusted". Well, turns out, my instincts are usually right.

That little voice that I've been trying so hard to keep quiet is now yelling, I'm having one of those re-birth things. Except mine has nothing to do with God, but with me. Instead of trusting others so easily, maybe I should try trusting myself. I think the timing's just right.

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@jencull (jen) said...

I am really sorry to hear this has happened. I have been there, taken a chance on someone against my better judgement. Sometimes it bites me right away, sometimes not for a while. But it hurts all the same and MAAAAAAD wouldn't describe me! Take care and I hope you are reasonably ok. Jen.

Big Mama Cass said...

Ugh. It's weird that I read this today, I have been writing a similar post on friendships in my head lately. I might need to get on the ball now that I read this.

Marianne said...

Dear Jen, I'm fine, really. Anger is not a bad thing when it makes you realize things. Oh dear, I'm a grown-up, it's official ;)
Dear Big Mama Cass, I'd be happy to read yours! It's not ALL I can say about friendship, but it's true that I tend to wirte my posts whenever I feel like it, and last night I needed to write. It's a therapy, in a way ;)

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