This morning, as my ex-husband came to pick up the kids for his week's vacation, I started cleaning as soon as I locked the door behind them. I cleaned and cleaned, washed the sheets, the towels, the dishes, opened every window, made myself some coffee and sat on my couch with a funny feeling. I realized I do this everytime they leave and I put their toys away in their bedroom and close the door.
I also changed pictures in the frame hanged up on the wall in the hall to replace their father with pictures of me and them. I then went to my Facebook account and deleted all the pictures he was in. I have albums as old as 2007 in there, it took me quite a while.
Not that I hate him, not at all, I have no hard feeling whatsoever, but I felt it was necessary and wondered why I hadn't done this before. I realized moving on takes quite a lot of time, there are phases, even when you're the one making the decision to leave. You can't erase 15 years that easily, and I have no intention of erasing them, for that matter. But it's a new life and I want to start fresh, clean.
Now I'm done and I feel better. Sometimes a little cleaning is all it takes.
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