It was time. I'm 33 years old and I cannot believe I didn't take that time before. I think some sort of retreat should be compulsory, say, in your mid-twenties. For people like me, that is. People who want to make others happy, who are stubborn enough to try and make things work when the whole world tells them that it will never work out, people who go through life as if we were given second chances, as if it would last forever, as if choices did not have great consequences or collateral damages.
I feel sad that I only realize that now. Not that I'm old -I'm at least way younger than my evil sisters, not that I made that many mistakes, but jeez, I should have thought more about things before throwing myselves into them, should have held my tongue more often instead of saying things because I thought them at that exact moment without wondering if those thoughts would last.
Now I know better. I am still pretty spontaneous, still big-mouthed, still a pain in the ass, still throwing myself into situations but now, I take the time to think a little bit before I take big steps. Not only because I am a mother and a grown-up, but because I respect myself, as a person and others, too. I treasure my freedom as much as I treasure others' and that, my friends, is a huge change.
Suddenly I see, as K.T Tunstall sang so nicely. There's a new life ahead of me. There's a new life ahead of us all. Second chances do exist, you just need to take the time for a break. I'm ready now. Throw it at me, the happiness, the pain, the excitement, the terror, I'm ready. And this time, it won't be a fight, there will be no struggling. Because I strongly believe that all that is to happen to me, from now on, will happen because of a choice I made. And I am determined to make those choices with all my heart, to be as true as possible. There will be mistakes, but I honestly think it will be O.K.
Everything will be fine.
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