Suddenly I see

O.K. so I've been single for the past seven months. Not single per se (hem), but basically single as in, not part of an item. I've had time to think of who I was, who I didn't want to be, who I didn't want to be with, what I wanted in life -well, this one still needs more thought, and what I didn't want in life -that one I sorted out pretty easily.

It was time. I'm 33 years old and I cannot believe I didn't take that time before. I think some sort of retreat should be compulsory, say, in your mid-twenties. For people like me, that is. People who want to make others happy, who are stubborn enough to try and make things work when the whole world tells them that it will never work out, people who go through life as if we were given second chances, as if it would last forever, as if choices did not have great consequences or collateral damages.

I feel sad that I only realize that now. Not that I'm old -I'm at least way younger than my evil sisters, not that I made that many mistakes, but jeez, I should have thought more about things before throwing myselves into them, should have held my tongue more often instead of saying things because I thought them at that exact moment without wondering if those thoughts would last.

Now I know better. I am still pretty spontaneous, still big-mouthed, still a pain in the ass, still throwing myself into situations but now, I take the time to think a little bit before I take big steps. Not only because I am a mother and a grown-up, but because I respect myself, as a person and others, too. I treasure my freedom as much as I treasure others' and that, my friends, is a huge change.

Suddenly I see, as K.T Tunstall sang so nicely. There's a new life ahead of me. There's a new life ahead of us all. Second chances do exist, you just need to take the time for a break. I'm ready now. Throw it at me, the happiness, the pain, the excitement, the terror, I'm ready. And this time, it won't be a fight, there will be no struggling. Because I strongly believe that all that is to happen to me, from now on, will happen because of a choice I made. And I am determined to make those choices with all my heart, to be as true as possible. There will be mistakes, but I honestly think it will be O.K.

Everything will be fine.

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Malvern said...

Sandrine, I wasn't sure how else to get in touch with you, so this comment will have to do. I saw you asked for a list of misogynist sites on MidWesternMammah's blog. In case you don't see my comment, here they are:

American Women Suck
The Ghost Nation

Hope this is useful to you.

Sandrine said...

Thanks Malvern. These people are awful.And I hate the fact that the first guy is being compared to Socrates... I'll go back check on Holly's blog to look for a call for action or something.

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