A Vindication of the Rights of Zombies

Another guest post from the lovely Mary Wollstonecraft.

It has long been my impression that our world is riddled with inequalities both in nature and in our treatment of each other. What has never been till now quite clear to me is how little those we treat as inferiors owe their inferiority to nature and not prejudice. In some cases at least it is obvious that it is our societies' treatment of them that has rendered them inferior. (I think that French manners, in particular, are much to blame for this.) Such is the case, I am now convinced, with zombies. Is a zombie by its nature a brain chomping, limb dropping fool, or has it been forced to become so by the prejudices of our society?

'Tis true that zombies must eat brain to survive. But I am strongly of the opinion that were they but educated they would eat brain off a plate, with a knife and fork, covering up any exposed facial bone with a napkin. If they could but do so, 'twould be perfectly acceptable for zombies to dine at the servants' table, if not with the family. So 'tis a great shame that when a young person is so unfortunate as to be turned, their families deny them access to their home where they might benefit from such an education.

I have myself recently undertaken to educate a young woman who was, before she became zombie, a houseguest of my erstwhile friend Jane. Although Miss C. did not have many great qualities before she was turned, it is evident that as a zombie she has a great capacity for learning and that she is a creature of feeling. She and I have been communicating daily from the grating of a disused outdoor commodities where I have trapped her.

Alas I must concede that in the last two days she has not made great progress. I had hoped to teach her to speak a few words ('please', 'thank you', 'would you pass me the brain') but most unfortunately she has torn her own throat in an access of rage and can make no sound. My aim is now to promote in her a calm and poised demeanor so that she may be less prey to feelings and more open to reason. I am confident that with time my efforts will be rewarded.

...

Mother has discovered these pages and told father who has shot Miss C! In vain did I attempt to explain to my parents that zombies were rational creatures who needed but a little education to become useful citizens. How can I improve myself and others when my efforts are so thwarted in my own home? I have been told  I must stay in my room and never go out alone. I am depressed.

You can follow Mary on twitter @marythehyena